My Bro is a biweekly Zikoko series that interrogates and celebrates male friendships of different forms.
Josh and Kelechi became friends after they both participated in a threesome. Now five years into their friendship, the two talk about the interesting sexual encounter that brought them together, bonding over therapy and why boundaries are important even in an unconventional friendship like theirs.
Let’s take a trip down memory lane. How did you guys meet?
Kelechi: I met Josh in 2018. I was in my second year of university while he was in his third and dating a girl in my class. I didn’t really know him, but their relationship was popular because both of them were the king and queen of PDA on campus. You wouldn’t see one without the other; they were always holding hands or kissing.
Josh: What can I say? We were in love. I’d seen you around too, but I only started paying attention when my girlfriend started talking about this cute guy in class she wanted us to hook up with. She had a crush on you, but I needed to know more if we were both going to pursue something with you.
Pursue something?
Kelechi: Josh and his girlfriend are in an open relationship, although they’re only allowed to be with the same person. Guy, please explain it yourself.
Josh: LOL. You’ve dropped the basic synopsis of our situation. The full gist is that my girl and I are open, but we only hook up with thirds. We’re not allowed to see other people separately. If I like someone, then two of us must like the person and vice-versa. It’s also purely sexual, no feelings attached.
My girl liked Kelechi back then, so I had to scope the guy on my own too. You’re a fine guy, so it didn’t take too much convincing. Getting you on board was surprisingly easy too. But I can still remember the shock on your face when we told you we wanted to sleep with you.
Kelechi: Bruh. Let me not lie and say I was a saint or anything. But I’d never been in a threesome, much more being approached by a couple to have one. I liked your girlfriend too, but I didn’t overthink it since she wasn’t available. She asked me to hang out after class, and that’s when you made the proposition. I thought it was a prank.
Josh: Prank as per you’re on Punk’d? You really think you’re a celebrity for real.
Kelechi: My friend, shut up. I had to pick my jaw up from the floor that day. My brain told me to say “No”, but I watched myself say, “Yes”.
Josh: Omo, I was shocked, too o. That was the fastest “Yes” we’d ever gotten. Most people would ask to think about it and either come back for some *cough cough* or start avoiding us. But you said “Yes” on the first ask. Why?
Kelechi: I don’t know. But there was something about the both of you — being the hottest couple in school and all, wanting me that immediately turned me on. I also felt really special, like I was chosen.
Josh: DFKM
How did this friendship form from your threesome?
Josh: Like Omawunmi once sang, “If you ask me, na who I go ask?”
Kelechi: Behave, jare. I was too irresistible for just a one-night stand. You needed me to be a part of your life.
Josh: Honestly, yes. The sex was great, and all three of us enjoyed it, but the conversation after really struck me, and I was like, “This boy is cool AF”.
What did you guys talk about?
Kelechi: Therapy.
Josh: That’s not a topic anyone would expect to hear, especially when the people involved just had a spicy threesome. But I’d just started therapy, and when Kelechi joked about telling his therapist about us, I just started pouring my whole life’s story to him.
This was the first time I was meeting another guy who was in therapy. I’m sure there are other guys, but I’d never seen someone who was that open to talking about it. It started from jokes about how therapy is expensive AF and making us poor, and then we just segued into how helpful it’s been for us.
Kelechi: Do you get? I’d be more of a mess if it wasn’t for therapy. I have a serious anxiety issue and most Nigerians don’t even take it seriously. People think I’m lazy or avoidant. Therapy helped me figure out the problem and learn how to confront it.
Talking to another guy who knew something was wrong and was taking the necessary steps to fix it reaffirmed my decision.
Josh: Me too. My girl and I usually keep a distance from our thirds unless we’re planning a hook-up, but I started hanging out with you more, and it was just what I needed. She supported me but didn’t get the therapy thing. And that’s fine. I also needed to be around someone who could relate on a personal level.
Was your girlfriend okay with that?
Josh: Not at first, but I think she also understood that the sex thing with Kelechi was more her than me. My girl is my best friend, so I didn’t have a lot of friends in school I could talk to. I made her understand that I needed Kelechi on a friendship level and it didn’t have anything to do with her not being enough.
Kelechi: This guy and sweet mouth. “Anything to do with her not being enough”? Bars, my guy.
Josh: I dey try. But it really wasn’t. My entire existence was wrapped around one relationship in my life, and it wasn’t fair on her. It’s also part of why I started seeing a therapist. I needed people to talk to.
It’s been five years, and I’m curious how your friendship has evolved.
Josh: I realised a couple of months into our friendship that I was doing to Kelechi what I did to my girlfriend, making them the centre of my world. Like, I was talking to just two of them, and I know it’s good to keep my circle small, but it doesn’t mean I should suffocate the people in it. Kelechi was also too polite to ask for space. Now we have these difficult conversations and draw boundaries where necessary.
Kelechi: I’m a people pleaser, and I wanted to be a good friend, so it was hard for me to say, “Oh, I feel you dude. But I can’t process your stuff now because my life’s a mess.”
We enjoy talking to each other, and it’s helped to have someone to listen to and bounce ideas off of, but that boundary thing was necessary. Then again, how do you set boundaries in such a complicated friendship?
Josh: Talking about it. Shoutout to my therapist because she was the one who pointed out how in trying to be each other’s person, there was a high chance we might lose ourselves. I brought it up with Kelechi, and we had that conversation. We have an “I’m at my mental capacity” safeword. I know he wants to be there for me, and me, him, but we also had to learn how to be there for ourselves once in a while.
You guys seem so zen. Do you even fight?
Kelechi: It’s hard to fight with someone who doesn’t like confrontation. Whenever we almost have an issue, Josh will apologise whether he was right or wrong. I admire it, but it can be annoying.
Josh: Wow. But it’s because I love you, bro. I genuinely don’t like people being upset at me. Plus, we’ve never had an issue worth fighting over. Our only problems are you always being late and me taking five years to text back sometimes.
Kelechi: Fair enough.
Is there anything you’d change about your friendship?
Josh: I wish we met earlier. I don’t regret how we met, and I wouldn’t change it, but I wish we got into each other’s lives earlier. You’ve made me more open to receiving non-romantic love. I can’t help but wonder sometimes how many friends and relationships I missed early on in life because I was closed off.
Kelechi: I wouldn’t change a thing. Not even timing. We met when we needed to meet, and it worked out well. I’d change your detty love for amala though. That right there is a character flaw. LOL.
What’s something you’ve always wanted to tell the other person?
Kelechi: I’m open with how I feel about you and your importance to me. I love you, and If I had to choose a best friend in another life, even if I were a dog, I’d choose you.
Josh: A dog? Be calming down. But I love you too, and I’m grateful you’re in my corner. I don’t know how I’d do this life thing without you. You and my babe are the only ones I’d actually get in a fight for. Everyone else O.Y.O is their case.
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